Churchianity

April 17, 2008

much needed sponsorship

Filed under: Anglican,Pastors — churchianity @ 3:54 am
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With so many churches struggling financially and so many businesses keen to spend money to attract new customers it is no surprise that churches are now actively seeking corporate sponsorship.

Reverend John Udas states:

We welcome the injection of funds but we were clear to make sure our values were aligned and that the sponsorship badging wasn’t too obtrusive.

The church and sponsors are now discussing product placement on the alter and key mentions within the church service. One example is: ‘The Lord’s Prayer is brought to you by Sonar Books, the happy reading folks.’

Reverend John and the new badging:

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April 15, 2008

new care program for pastors

Filed under: Pastors — churchianity @ 7:40 pm
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For years pastors received a full-time wage for working just a few hours each Sunday morning. And then thankfully pastors realized they had to overwork to please God. So boundaries went out the window and they made themselves available 24/7. This has the unfortunate side effect of creating a rather stressful life for the pastor, but help is at hand with a new program that aims to offer care for the overworked pastor.

Called Congregational Counseling it simply involves the pastor using their sermon, prayer time, one on one pastoral encounters, business meetings etc.. to work through their difficulties.

The approach is simple, under the guise of being ‘authentic’ and ‘transparent’ the pastor uses their own stories as illustrations and examples. So a sermon on prayer they would say,

I have been struggling with my prayer life for years, I want to pray more but I am simply too busy. Who has time for prayer? Why should I pray? What is the point? Can I be bothered? So today we are going to talk about how you can be a better prayer.

Sharing your issues in front of your congregation is very freeing and can be done most weeks in most encounters. Another example at a church finance meeting,

I see our finances aren’t going very well this quarter which I really understand as I am struggling myself to pay for our mortgage and the new jetski. Lying awake at night isn’t very healthy and in the same way, worrying about the church’s finances isn’t honoring to a God who provides. God loves me and God will look after me.. and I guess that includes the church finances as well I suppose.

The pastor gives so much to his congregation, it is time the congregation gave something back.

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April 10, 2008

dictionary idea

Filed under: resources — churchianity @ 3:57 pm
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I have decided to write a dictionary of Churchianity; with the aim of shedding light on the strange language of the church. I invite your input! Leave your thoughts in the comments section for all to enjoy.

To start the ball rolling: (more…)

April 6, 2008

private jet donated for ministry on the move

Filed under: mega church — churchianity @ 5:34 am
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There were lots of ‘Praise my Lord!’ at Pastor Peter’s church recently when news came through that the congregation had banded together to buy the much loved Pastor his first private Jet.

Pastor Peter commented,

I Praise my Lord and thank the generous folks for this new Jet. It is an affirmation of what God has called me to do, to preach the Good News of God’s provision to the poor of the world.

Funding for the completion of a new local soup kitchen was put on hold to fund the Jet, but as Elder John commented, (more…)

March 31, 2008

job vacancy

Filed under: church management,mega church — churchianity @ 4:46 pm
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This in on the email:

“Dear Hairy Platypus, I love your blog! In particular the name, the content is poor but the name is great.

felix-unky.jpgWe recently received the very sad news that our much loved church pastor, Felix Unky is leaving, he feels God is calling him to write a popular book so he can make enough money to buy a large ministry house on the coast.

So we are on the hunt for a new pastor. Please could you post the following advert?

 

Wanted: Dynamic Pastor to take the church to the next level

The Jupiter Hill Church is looking for a new dynamic Senior Chief Supreme Pastor. We are a church of 3,500 but have plans to grow that to 1.2 million by the end of the year. The Pastor has to be: (more…)

March 29, 2008

the middle class Bible

Filed under: Bible — churchianity @ 8:32 pm
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I think the Bible is a very important book and for years it has bothered me that middle class people don’t read it very much. So I decided to find out why, and was surprised to discover that they find it too challenging. They don’t like the idea that they have to change, or that it makes them feel uncomfortable. Being comfortable is apparently very important for the middle class.

So I was very excited to learn that a new translation is out that directly targets the middle class. It is called The Middle Class Message. And is free of all the challenging material thus making it more acceptable to middle class folks. (more…)

March 26, 2008

a preposterously driven life

Filed under: church management — churchianity @ 4:18 am
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I recently had the pleasure of catching up with world famous Christian author: Rick Rabbit-Warren about his massively huge best seller: Preposterously Driven Life.

HP: Rick thanks for your time, you are a bit of a hero of mine.

R R-W: I just want to start by saying that yes I am rich from book sales, but I give most of it away to desperately needy causes such as other less capable churches than mine.

HP: Great! So tell us about Preposterously Driven Life.

driven.jpgR R-W: Well it is particularly aimed at Christian leaders and those in Christian ministry. The idea is that I lay out the rules for being successful in ministry. The first preposterously driven principle is to work non stop and refuse to take breaks. It works along the lines that if you don’t do the task, no one will.

HP: Won’t that lead to burn-out? (more…)

March 25, 2008

everybody loves the Bible

Filed under: Bible — churchianity @ 12:05 am
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smiling-with-bible.jpgAmazing new research into the habits of Christians shows that a majority of western Christians absolutely love reading the Bible. In this extensive piece of research 9 out of 10 respondents reported that they read the Bible for at least an hour every day. They also stated they always acted on what they had read in the Bible.

Top church Pastor, Rob Bell Ringer comments,

“It really should be no surprise to us to hear this. The Bible is the Word of God – if we want to be transformed, that is where we go. Christians understand this.”

The same research also reports that 98% of congregations are happy with their Pastor, stating they spent all week both excited by what their pastor was going to preach on, but also processing in detail what the pastor had shared the previous weekend.

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To see the full report go to: www.ifonly.com

March 24, 2008

Archbishop gets jiggy with it

Filed under: Anglican — churchianity @ 8:30 am
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I was recently at a dance workshop with the Anglican Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams.

What was both interesting and surprising is that the Archbishop is quite the dancer. Not just your standard sway while driving your car kind of dancer, but more of a leap in the air and perform the splits while smiling type.

It was interesting at one point, through the use of a ribbon, he was attempting to gather all of us into a unified group in the center of the dance floor – which he failed at spectacularly. The problem was he talked about getting us all together in the center, but he seemed quite happy for us to be all over the place, doing our own thing.

The other startling thing was the amount of hair spray he used – two and a half cans; and that was just for his eyebrows.
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the right way to manage church volunteers

Filed under: church management — churchianity @ 8:18 am
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tough-biker-image.jpgRecently I had the pleasure of interviewing noted Church Management guru, Barry Whocares (see image on right) on his famous Church Volunteer Management Model:

 

HP: Thanks for your time, you are an important and busy man.

BO: Agreed.

HP: Tell us about your model.

BO: Well I have wrestled hedgehogs in the Amazon and have the scars inside my nostrils to prove it. Wanna see? (I politely decline). I have also written three best seller books including: Get off your pew and be like me which is available through Amazon for $16.95; though for a limited time if you purchase 100 you get a 5% discount.

HP: Err thanks, getting back to your model.. tell us about it. (more…)

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