March 29, 2008

the middle class Bible

Filed under: Bible — churchianity @ 8:32 pm
Tags: , ,

I think the Bible is a very important book and for years it has bothered me that middle class people don’t read it very much. So I decided to find out why, and was surprised to discover that they find it too challenging. They don’t like the idea that they have to change, or that it makes them feel uncomfortable. Being comfortable is apparently very important for the middle class.

So I was very excited to learn that a new translation is out that directly targets the middle class. It is called The Middle Class Message. And is free of all the challenging material thus making it more acceptable to middle class folks.



An example of this stunning contemporary translation:

Matthew 19:3-9:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate unless things are getting a bit hard and they really have no idea how to communicate with each other and he finds her parents unbearable, and she is tired of his excessive snoring””Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, different life goals, constant arguing over which new BMW to buy, or a clash over the colour scheme in the kitchen and marries another woman isn’t very sensible.”


Matthew 19:16-21 :

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey most of the commandments, but generally be nice to people.” “Which ones?” the man inquired. Jesus replied, ” ‘Do not murder but feel free to support war on terrorists, do not steal, although this doesn’t include downloading off the net, honor your father and mother unless they are really annoying,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself, though chances are you don’t know who they are.. so don’t worry too much about this one.'””All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, write a cheque for a small token amount and send it to a local charity, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me… when you have a moment that is.”




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